“Did you used to play sports?”
I get that question surprisingly often when meeting someone. I tried various sports in the past, so I say yes. “I thought so,” they reply.
Thought so from what? Apparently I was already on a team before I gave them my sporting history.
Nobody has checked my ball skills
Maybe my shoulders or posture make me look active. That doesn't tell anyone whether I can handle a ball.
Say “Actually, I'm bad at ball sports,” and the all-round athlete they imagined disappears. I haven't exaggerated anything. They raised their own expectations, then lowered them again. That's a busy first meeting.
Thanks, but you're praising the wrong thing
“You look strong” is probably meant kindly. If compliments were points in a game, though, everyone keeps adding to strength. I was hoping for intelligence or good looks.
I didn't come for a strength assessment.
I also hear “You seem kind,” “You don't look like you get angry,” and “You seem calm.” Looking strong without looking scary might make me easier to approach. I appreciate that.
But “easy to talk to” and “handsome” are different compliments. A useful impression isn't always the one I wanted.
Looking the part doesn't make it true
Sometimes “sporty” makes me wonder whether they mean I look big. That comment alone doesn't tell me what they think of my weight; only they know what caught their eye.
Even a compliment about intelligence can miss. In Japan, “you look good at shogi” and “you look good at card games” can bring different imagined people to mind. Are they praising my thinking, or guessing my hobbies?
Besides, someone who looks good at card games might want to leave halfway through the rules. Calm people can get angry. Sporty-looking people can be bad with a ball. Looking at someone isn't the same as knowing them.
Strong, kind, not scary: that's a decent review. Thank you.
Now could we stop guessing my abilities and just say “You're handsome”?
Assessment complete.
