You used to chat with someone without giving it a second thought. Then you developed a crush. Suddenly, saying hello feels like stepping onto a stage. When they walk over, you look away and leave.
In your head: Please don't notice how much I like you. On their side: Why are they avoiding me? Your feelings have acquired the world's worst subtitle track.
The other person cannot see your reason
Avoidance can feel like self-protection when you are afraid of embarrassment, rejection, or everyone finding out. But the other person only sees the behavior. If they conclude that their company is unwelcome, they may back off too.
That looks like a mutual crush going nowhere. But be careful with the word mutual. Unless the people involved actually tell each other how they feel, an outside observer cannot confirm that either person was romantically interested.
Same commute, same feelings? Not necessarily
Maybe someone who never used to appear at your usual time suddenly starts showing up. It's tempting to read it as a secret plan to see you. It could be. It could also be a timetable change, a new club, or pure coincidence. One clue is not a confession.
Researchers have found a “liking gap”: after some ordinary conversations, people underestimate how positively the other person sees them.[1] That's worth remembering, but it does not establish romantic attraction or explain any specific person's actions.
Make the next step smaller
You don't have to leap from awkward silence to a dramatic declaration. Try a normal hello. If conversation feels welcome, try a short chat; later, perhaps a low-pressure invitation. If the other person isn't interested, respect that response.
What you feel and what you show can tell completely different stories. Before declaring a tragic mutual crush, see whether the two of you can simply talk again.
[1] Boothby et al. (2018), Psychological Science, https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797618783714. The research concerns general interpersonal liking, not a test of romantic feelings.
